Can u handle the truth from your spouse's affair?

Would u rather your spouse to confess every single details of their affair to u after being found out, or would u rather live with their white lies forever if they had promised to remain faithful after this episode.Can u handle the truth from your spouse's affair?
I can't handle reality! My husband of 15years is currently having an affair. I have been aware of all the dirty details. I can't get the strength to divorce or move on because sadly I'm hoping it runs its course and he re-commits to our marriage.Can u handle the truth from your spouse's affair?
Everyone reacts differently, but vast majority of the victims of betrayal questions if the spouse ever loved them, and if so, what they might have done to lose it. It is as if the adulterous spouse has thrown dirt in the river of their marriage contaminating the water behind them and before them.


To recover from trauma, a victim has a natural tendency to go back to the traumatic experience, questioning, going over details repetitiously: “What did you do? Where? When? How often?” The traumatized spouse must go over the events until the emotional distress caused by them becomes manageable. They must reach a point where they feel there are no more surprises.


Often, the betraying spouse wants to get things over quickly, after admitting to their infidelity. They must develop empathy for what the betrayed spouse is experiencing, and be willing to live with the pain of guilt, until genuine healing can occur. In addition, the betraying spouse may learn something about them self in the questioning process. They may begin to see their own motives, vulnerabilities, and selfishness. If both spouses can tolerate and control the emotions involved, they may come to a joint understanding of how the infidelity occurred, signaling the beginning of a more substantial level of recovery. Recovery usually takes 1 to 3 years.
I can say from my point of view being the spouse that was cheated on, and that demanded knowing details, that knowing details has only been a source of pain. now I have places that remind me, things that remind me, all these details that I wanted to know now are the things that hurt me everyday. BUT, not knowing likely would have destroyed me just the same, just in different ways. The one detail that I'm glad I found out was the fact they didnt use protection. this resulted in a prompt trip for myself and wife to be tested for STD's. What i would like is a pill that would allow me to forget the entire affair and allow me to love and trust her the way i once did. If the affair was the wound; the details are absolutely the infection! Good Luck to you!
Its amazing what people ask to know but can't handle the truth. This is a hard one only because it mostly depends on the person receiving the info. Its like saying ';I promise not to get mad';. I think it's best to just give the general information, ';I had an affair';. Saying ';yeah and she did me like this, and I did her like that, and the table fell over cause we were going from room to room, knocking everything over and breaking things.'; ...is just way too much info and wouldn't do any good for anyone. Now, if you have pictures........................lol


Best thng to do is maybe describe what you were looking for that you felt was lacking in your realtionship that led you astray so you two can work on it
I think that it depends on whether you can handle the truth. I am engaged to a man who I am estranged from in Chicago, and he has another woman. I held out longer than he did and I have a friend who I finally had sex with a week ago. What I mean by holding out, is that we have been separated 3 years, communicate by telephone, and for the first time in 20 months, I finally let my guard down. He waited a year at the most. I am fine with the situation because my being in Mississippi when he is in Chicago makes me unable to do anything to stop it, and once I am back in Chicago, I can stop it then. I would want to know because I would want to know how long he has cheated and when it began.
What white lies? The details are not lies, the affair was the lie. If you choose not to know the details, and personally I would't care to know,


the only thing you have to learn is to trust in yourself again. What I mean about trusting yourself is this: You probably never believed that this could happen to you. I know I didn't. Now, I know better. I allowed my blind trust, and sometimes things happen. I chose to trust him again, because you cannot live with doubt all the time, it would drive you crazy. If it were to happen again, I'd be a lot stronger for myself in the knowledge that I can trust myself to move on. Does any of this make sense?
I was seeing a married man and his wife found out.





Me and her spoke on the phone after she found out, and she asked me to tell her the truth, as he had whitewashed the whole lot.





Initially she totally believed me, but once HE had got to her, she did a 180 and later told me I was ';lying'; and he ';would never do that to me'; - even though I sent her (as she asked) all his texts, emails and photos of us together. I told her the names of his best mates, his mum's name and phone number (he used to call me from his mum's phone), what his car looked like, and other stuff I could only have known by being very close to him.





She was, I guess, blinding herself to save her, ahem, ';marriage';.





She is still with him and he has since tried to get ';back'; with me. She will ignore all the signs again, no doubt. And now she's the idiot, as she knows what those signs are, even if she did not last time.
me idk either way if he cheats there is something im not doing rightt... so i might want to kno what that was so i can fix it but if it happens again no not rreally... as far as every little detail NO just the ones he think will make the relationship better between him and i
no, because it has happened to me and I did not like the mental picture it gave me, and had to deal with it, then knowing it was my so called best friend just made it worse, because I already knew how many and who she has already been with just gave mw the creeps.
the truth is they cheated,no way for me to ever get over that.They violated a trust and no way to get that back,once a cheater always a cheater,kick them to the curb
most likely. no play by play details, one probably knows spouse's tendancies. no to the lies, stop asking about what is known





stop being boring
It should not matter, if you truly love your spouse, then get on with your life and try to work on your marriage to make it healthy and strong.
Wouldn't matter. Wouldn't want to know, wouldn't care.





Once this bond is broken, it's done. Anything else and you're lying to yourself. No thanks.
No I would want to know and I would want t know why. I cannot stand anyone who cant be honest and can you Really trust someone who promised to stay faithful? after all in the marriage vows you promise to stay faithful.........
I would like to get every detail. Pictures, videos, the works, to assist my lawyer in the divorce case.
I would want to know SOME details. Like how long it was going on, why, where, all that important stuff. But as far as details details.....no. It would hurt worse having the mental picture.
Whether I stayed with him or not I would need to know every single detail.


My curiosity would eat me up inside, and I know for a fact that I would imagine things 50 x worse than they really were.
I asked for what happened, it hurt me a lot, though it did turn me on a bit, but hurt more than anything.
In a twisted way, I'd want to know. I guess I'm masochistic that way.





But it's doubtful that I'd forgive and take them back. That's just me.
idk how everyone else is but i need to know everything that happened
I would leave them , so I would not need to know
I must be honest, I would not want to hear all the deatils.
i wouldnt have to decide because i would leave them if there was an affair
noooooooo I WOULD WANT TO KNOW!!!!
I would want to know. Not that it would alter my decision...she cheats, she's gone. It's that simple.